It’s Thursday. Speed day according to my tried-and-true Hal Higdon training schedule ever-present on my refrigerator. I consider myself a purist when it comes to training – non-technical and simple. I love the feeling of crossing off the day’s training and having something so tangible right before my eyes to remind me of the accomplishment, even if it is just the uneven shading of a dried out pink highlighter. Today’s schedule calls for a Tempo run – which is 40 minutes faster-than-marathon pace with a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down. For me, crossing off Tempo runs may just be one of the most satisfying things a girl can accomplish before 7 a.m. You see, I’d rather run 30 slow miles than one very fast mile any day of the week.
This Tempo run takes place on the treadmill at my home-away-from-home – Snap Fitness. Training for the Boston Marathon starts in January and ends with the big day this year on April 21. It’s a tough race for a number of reasons, one of which is that the entire training program takes place during the winter. If you read Runner’s World cover to cover like I do, you know that most runners bound for Boston are road warriors. They don’t let the single-digit temps and pitch-black early mornings intimidate them. They have guts. They’re hard core. I think about being hard core a lot as I swipe my 24-hour keycard, yawn, and head over to my favorite treadmill. It’s 5:15 in the morning. It’s freezing cold. I’m crazy, but not Boston Marathon-warrior-crazy.
Boston is just one reason to get up in the morning
Still, most people cannot understand why I do this every day. Why I sacrifice the comfort of my warm bed and pleasant dreams to sneak out before the kids wake up and run in place for hours with only the filmstrip of my mind to keep me company. One of my good friends once said, “You get up at 4:45 every morning because you have no one keeping you in bed.” When he first said it, I’ve never been able to let this thought go – some days as I’m running I use it to push me harder, but on other days the revelation makes me feel a little sick.
As I’m tapping up the speed on the treadmill screen, a wave of anxiety sweeps over me. Do I really use running as a replacement for the missing love of my life? Why did this thought have to creep into my head today – on Tempo Day for God’s sake? When I’m on the road, the feeling of the run is much different. It’s freedom manifested in my footfalls and my breath. Out there, my thoughts move swiftly in a calming stream of consciousness as the day wakes up and I’m the first to greet the sun. I feel invincible when I’m out there – like I’m running with God as He’s proudly displaying to me His hand-crafted world.
Running inside on a treadmill evokes very different thoughts. Staring at a wall, you have to force your thoughts into a positive place and find power in the mundane. I’ve learned a very important thing about being a runner. If you don’t want to learn who you are and what you’re made of, you probably shouldn’t train for a marathon.
I’m 33 minutes in, running over the sweat droplets that are whirring beneath my feet, and I realize that I’ve not really been thinking about why I have no one to keep me in bed in the morning. I’ve actually been reflecting on what I’ve gained from not staying in bed in the morning. I think about the energy that I get from the run – even if it’s running on the treadmill, staring at the wall. I have learned a lot about myself over the miles. I’ve uncovered a quiet confidence. And I think that confidence has helped me feel more secure sharing my feelings.
Since my marriage failed and my mileage increased, I have closer relationships with my friends, with my siblings, and with my children. That is a gift. So, I am thankful for my iPhone alarm that beeps me awake hours before dawn. And I know that in time, that same running energy will be what attracts the love of my life. It may take many more miles and more early mornings, but it will happen. And, maybe when it does, I will stay in bed just a little longer and run home just a little faster.
Callie your determination on the treadmill and on the road has always amazed me. But your love for it is something different entirely. You have found your peaceful place where you can listen to your thoughts and listen to God. Not only are you where you want to be, you are right where He wants you to be. No matter where you are, if you are listening, you are right where He wants you to be.
We were brought together through the run Erin. It’s no wonder we see the world so similarly. I’m blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for always reading and for sharing your heart.
Callie,
I’ve been thinking about this since you posted it and without being unkind to your friend, there is no way that you throw yourself into your training program because you do not wake up next to someone. You are goal oriented and wise enough to address your interior dialog thoughtfully in the peaceful morning hours which is where you have found a route to your spiritual path in so many way. It is beautiful and enriching. I think you would and should continue your training no matter who you would wake up next to.
That was my role, you would wake to a hug, a kiss and somewhat incoherent words of encouragement. You would come home to a smoothie (no kale) or a meticulously prepared cup of coffee. Don’t ever settle for lessI am certain it is out there. Always be all the Callie you can be. You are magnificent in every way.
Oh Joe. I am speechless. You said it all for me. I never feel more blessed than when I get your words of encouragement and validation. Thank you for always being there. Just when I need it most. XO